No Rest for the Weary

Well, we had another rough weekend. This time, it was because of miscommunication between Sally and I. Turns out we both gave Boney her pain medication within 15 minutes of each other. Oops. She had 600mg of her Etogesic! To let you know, one extra pill can throw and already iffy belly into a bad place. Once again, she spent Sat. night and Sun morning throwing up. I have a feeling they might want to perform some diagnostic tests on her belly tomorrow. Fingers crossed that the upset was really because of her over zealous moms and not because of anything more serious.

The Good News

The good news is Arrow is home. And she is more than half way through her treatment. Ten treatments down and nine more to go! So far the radiated area looks OK. It's a little red and irritated, but it doesn't seem to bother her yet. We start her on her anti-inflammatory tonight and hopefully it won't get too much worse.

The other good news is she is feeling somewhat at ease in the hospital. Amy, her friend came out to talk to me today. Arrow saw her, wagged her tail, and went right up to her. Clearly they have bonded. Amy told me that when she got to work this morning at 8am, the oncology team had taken Arrow out of her kennel and kept her in the conference room with them. As Amy came in, Arrow greeted her, and then followed her around from room to room. Then Amy got a blanket and a pillow for her and put it in the corner of the conference room and Arrow curled up in it hanging out with the medical staff until it was time for her treatment. I think they like her.

An update on her GI distress. On her discharge papers they mentioned her diarrhea and said they put her on medication to help. They also said that if it doesn't resolve then they might want to do some testing to make sure nothing else is going on. So of course that made me anxious. When I talked to Amy, I asked her if I should be concerned. She said, they all think it is pretty normal. When a dog undergoes radiation it is really a disruption of their routine. The travel, the new people, the boarding, all contribute to the anxiety. I pushed the issue a little pressing her about whether I should be worried. She said, "No, really, I'll tell you this. When we first met Arrow, we noticed she was a little bit anxious" (I know, I know, I haven't always been the best influence on her). She continued, "One of the residents said, let's take bets on when she gets diarrhea." Amy's point: they expected this kind of reaction. In the mean time, she's back on turkey and rice.

We're looking forward to a good weekend. And by the way, she's perky!

Empty Nest

God I miss my dog when she's not home. I drove up to the house tonight where Sally and her parents (they are visiting through the weekend) were sitting out in the front lawn in the adirondack chairs. They all looked so cute, but there was obviously something missing from the scene. Arrow should have been sitting right at Sally's feet looking out at the road and "her" fields across the street. Her ears would perk up and she would widen her eyes, watching me as I turned up the driveway. When I got to about the midway point, she would stand up. Staring, she would take one step. And then another. And as I put the car in park, she would run up to my door waiting for me to pet her.

And then tonight, making dinner, she would be sitting in front of the slider watching me. When the turkey meat came out she might have perked her ears up again, wiggled her nose to sniff and see if I just pulled out something she might be interested in. She then would have stood up and walked over to me hoping I would drop some of it on the floor. Or, more likely, I would have given in to her cute eyes and given her a taste. When we were sitting at the table, she would have been under it, lying at our feet, waiting for the left overs on our plate. "Maybe, that will end up in my bowl," she would be thinking.

It is so quiet here without her. We told the vet that she's afraid of thunder. The weathermen said we might get a thunderstorm. I see her sitting in her pen, shaking in the corner while it thunders. He said they'd make a note of that in her chart and spend time with her if it thunders.

Here's what I wonder: Does she think we left her there? Does she wonder if we're coming back? Does she wonder why the kitties aren't there too and why she is the only one to get the pleasure of radiation on her leg? Does she miss us? Does she know we're only trying to make her better?

Update

Arrow is spending the night at the hospital. I miss her. I came home and pulled into the garage and paused before I pressed the garage door opener to close the door. I thought "I should leave this open until I take Arrow out before bed." But then I remembered she is staying at the "spa." She is doing OK with the radiation, but she still has GI issues. She woke me up this morning wimpering because she had to go poop. Then she whined again at 7:30am. I took her out again and she -- well not to be too graphic, but she had the runs. On her way to the hospital Sally had to pull over in Sturbridge because Arrow was crying again. Poor honey. They do say it's not a side effect of radiation.

I feel OK with her in the hospital. Sally had her in the waiting room with her bed. She was lying on it while she was waiting for her appointment. Sally said Amy, her radiologist tech came out to talk to some other person and Arrow got out of bed and walked up to her waiting to be pampered. I think she likes Amy. They're taking good care of her. I'll pick her up again on Friday.

Life Lessons

Reflections on the life lessons that Arrow has taught me:

• Be steady on the gas. You get there in the same amount of time and no one gets sick.
  
• Avoid potholes on your journey. They're scary and unpredictable.
  
• Let the sun kiss your belly at least one time per day. It makes you warm and cozy.





• Humans are fun, but everyone needs a good doggie friend.

• Approach life with passion -- especially for the little things. Like sticks.
  
  


• When a door is only partially open, there is no need to push your way through. You probably aren't welcome anyway.
  
• When facing a fear, make yourself look big (even if it's just making your hair stand on end).
  
• When faced with a pill that's difficult to swallow - you can always add peanut butter (unless you're Sally, then cheese is OK too).


• A little mud never hurt anyone.
  
  


• If something doesn't feel right, you can always shake it off.
  
  
  


• Why swim for one stick when, if you wait, you can get three or four?

Life is short. Live strong, play hard, and love deeply!

Pets

Arrow's diagnosis and treatment has made me think a lot about the relationship between dog and dog owner and the meaning of pets in our lives. It's funny because pets didn't take center stage in my upbringing at all. Let's just say I have a book I can write about city farm animals going back to the "farm" and "lost" kitties. Long stories -- for another day (or not). But Arrow really has changed the meaning of friendship and companionship for me. And I hate to say it, but I think she, more than any other thing or person in my life, has taught me about responsibility and caring.

I have such a deep bond that has grown over the years with her. I remember picking her up at the shelter and how cute and tiny she was. And I remember not fully understanding the dog commitment. But she taught be pretty early on that she would be there for me and in return, I learned pretty quickly that I would always be there for her.

I remember the night before she got spayed I had this dream about her. She was about six months old. It was the funniest thing, yet so intense. I dreamt that she was walking on her hind legs, holding onto me with her front legs walking along side of me. And she was looking up at me (with those dark intense eyes) saying, "please don't take me to get spayed, I'll take the pill I promise!" That dream still makes me laugh, but I think about it because it reminds me that that was the first time I felt the responsibility of what it meant to enter into this relationship with her. And that's what it is: When I brought her home, I entered into a relationship -- one in which I would get way more than I could give.

Sometimes, I think I'm a bit overinvolved in her life. For example, when we went to the animal hospital for her initial exam, the oncology student was asking about her history and Sally and I went through all the crazy little ailments and weird things that she's had over the years (including the eye tumor/larva that fell off of her eye!). And when we finished she said, "is there anything else that she's had?" to which I said, "lyme disease" and then caught myself and said, "Oh, no, wait. That was me." My boundaries were a little bit off :)

I really never would have imagined that I would have such a relationship with my pet. Never. And I have to say that I am a better person for having let myself open up to all she has to offer me. I know there is a perspective that exists in the world that says, "she's just a dog." That perspective is really sad to me. And to that I say, "If you think she's just a dog (whatever that means)...then you haven't met Arrow!"

I feel really lucky!

The Long night

Last night was a long one. Poor Boney was up all night (and so were the rest of us) throwing up. It started around midnight. At one point, about 15 minutes before it started, Sally said, "she's drooling." To which I said, "well, that's weird. I wonder why?" Then she started to smack her lips like she had peanut butter stuck on them. And I remember thinking, for a split second, "what does that mean when she does that?" And then almost at the same time, Sally and I remembered. Lip smacking, when not caused by peanut butter, means there's throw up not far behind. We both jumped off the couch running around looking for some piece of reading material that we had both finished reading to put under her mouth. Of course, Arrow will have none of that and she moves her head away from the "Health" magazine that Sally sacrificed and placed under her. Then, she also dodged the Target ad. I think by morning, she had thrown up 8 more times. Twice outside at 4:30 am. Yep - I got up with her.

This morning I called the hospital to find out if throwing up was a side effect of radiation. They said it was highly unlikely. Of course, my mind goes to a bad place and wonders if the tumor matastized to her belly. When they examined her to determine if the cancer spread, they only did a chest x-ray. That's because her tumor, when it metastizes, goes to nearby organs. In her case, that is the chest. Which is clear. The ER vet on the phone said to keep and eye on her and if she gets lethargic or has a swollen belly we should bring her in. It's been about 12 hours since the last abnormal bodily function so I think she's out of the woods. She still is staying on her hamburger and rice diet for a day or so. Sally and I are placing our bets on the greenie she ate at about 10 pm. We think that was the culprit.

Tomorrow, week 2 of treatment starts. By the end of the week, they said the burn will be inflamed and she'll be in some pain. They'll put her on etogesic, a pain med that she tolerates pretty well and I think they give us some ointment. She is already starting to lick the wound a little bit. To keep her from licking her stitches when she had surgery we put a shirt on her. She looked like this:

Isn't she adorable? We might have to play dress up again as the radiation continues.

She really is being a trooper. We are going to board her for two days this week, Wed. and Thur. night. It kills me to do that as she'll being feeling worse by then, but I don't think the 3 hour a day drive make her all that excited either. I think they treat her well there. I asked the Dr. if she get enough water while she's there because the first night I brought her home she seemed to drink a lot! He said they keep water in her cage and they change it FOUR times a day! Wow, did I feel like a slacker. She was in puppy day spa out there! Here, she gets fresh water twice a day AND has to share it with the kitties. Maybe its not so bad at Tufts....

Notice the collar in this picture. Her friend Gus gave her the "Livestrong" collar because she is a cancer survivor! How cute is that???

Week 1 is over!

Arrow has never liked my driving. I don't know why. Maybe it's because I ran into Sally's car in the driveway once when I was backing up a long time ago. Or maybe it was the time I got rear ended in Binghamton. Whatever the moment was when she became afraid of my driving, I can't really say. But it is rather obvious that she is much more settled when Sally drives than when I do. And add a trip to a hospital to the end of the ride and you have one not so happy puppy.

Sally drove Arrow out and back yesterday from her treatment. It is 77.5 miles from door to door (I clocked it out of boredom!). She called me and said that Arrow didn't really mind the drive. She was asleep the whole time both ways. Then she said she hardly shook at all when she went into the hospital. And when the vet tech came to take her into treatment she wagged her tail and went right up to her.

Here's what happened on my day: She sat up and turned herself around in the backseat trying to get comfortable AT LEAST 20 times in the first 30 miles of our trip. She finally stopped turning around, but she never did fall asleep. When we arrived at Tufts, with not even a minute to spare before her 9:30 appointment she walked in and immediately began to shake, and shake, and shake. When the vet tech came to get her, she did not wag her tail, she turned her head to me and looked at me with pleading eyes, as if to say, "please don't leave me. Why are you letting her take me away?" I gave her a pat on the head and told her she'd be OK and she would be coming home with me. And then I went outside.

The whole ordeal only took about 90 minutes and we were back on the road again. I did learn that a little anesthesia goes along way towards helping her sleep through my driving. She was asleep the whole way home. And radiation gives her gas. Let's just say I had to open the window a few times.

Tonight we celebrated one week of treatment finished. We made a chiminea outside so that we could symbolically "burn cancer." She liked it. But probably because she also got a hot dog!

True love

Five things I love about my dog:

• She looks at you and melts your heart with her soulful eyes.
• She nudges your hand so you'll keep petting her.
• She looks so stylish in her blue armband the animal hospital folks put on her today.
• She looks at you and you think she's telling you how much she loves you and then you realize she wants your hot dog.
• She loves us unconditionally.

Tomorrow is the end of Treatment Week 1! Yeah!!!!

Day 3: She's home

I picked Arrow up at about 6:30pm at the hospital. If anyone has ever watched ER vets on Animal Planet this place is just like that. First, I walked in and I couldn't help it. I cried when I asked for Arrow. I was also kind of like a kid in a candy store. "Where is she? Where's my dog?" Then I had to wait about 10 minutes. Here's what I saw.

First, when I arrive there are interns with a gurney out in the parking lot. They rolled it in with the dog it was intended for walking beside it. Apparently this dog had torn something - likely an ACL - for the second time. He was a cutie, but he was in for some rehab.

For anyone who thinks Booda is big -- he is a kitten compared to a real Maine Coon cat. Oh my God, there was one there going in for some kind of care whose head was almost as big as mine. I'm not kidding!

Next this woman comes in and she is carrying a cat that doesn't look so good. The woman has her (?) wrapped in a towel and the cat is kind of staring in space. The woman is sobbing. Just looking at her I start to cry again (I'm fragile these days). The ER people are on her before the door even closes. They ask her her name and what happened. Her answer, "The cat went through the washing machine!" Do you think it went through a full cycle? I can't imagine that it could survive that??

Finally, I see two people walking towards the door. It took two people to walk Arrow out because she had her bed, her bear, her food... But she came out the door and she looked pretty happy (or anxious - sometimes I can't tell). She went outside and peed right away and as soon as I opened the hatch of my car she was ready to get in. I had to stop her from jumping back there because the hatch wasn't good enough for her today! She was getting the back seat. She slept pretty much the whole way home.

Once she got here, she was pretty darn happy. It could be because she is home or it could be because she got a turkey burger. And a greenie. She picked up her skunk toy and tossed it around all frisky and ready to play. Beanie licked her head and as soon as she stopped Boney stuck her nose right into Beanie for more. She did NOT want her to stop. I think she missed Beanie.

All in all, she looks good. She's wicked thirsty and it looks like she's been crying -- that's my projection again, but the fur under her eyes is wet. I think they might cover her eyes during treatment or something. I'll have to ask about that. We re-arranged the furniture in the living room while she was away and I forgot to warn her. (That's Sally's way of working out her stress. We may have an addition my mid-Oct). But she seems to have settled right in -- she's now fast asleep on the floor.

Day 2

The house is really quiet. Sometimes I think the kitties are looking for Arrow, but I'm not sure. They are fighting more and I wonder if it's because Arrow's not here to stop them. She usually wimpers when they fight, letting them know that she's disturbed (that's a Linowski trait I think...)

At 5:oopm tomorrow I get to go pick her up! I'm totally excited and can't wait to see her. Sally will bring her back for treatment on Thursday morning and bring her home on the same day and I'll bring her in on Friday. Then we'll have the weekend to spend with her. We're trying to plan something to mark each week that she finishes treatment. Maybe we'll go on a special, low-key walk.

The Dr. called today at 4:30. They lost a few points today for two reasons. They were supposed to call us with an update and I didn't hear from them until the end of the day. And that was only after Sally called to ask them how she was doing. When the Dr. called, he referred to Arrow as a HE! Now I know he sees a lot of doggies, but it would be somewhat reassuring if he could get the gender of my dog right! It makes me wonder if he's radiating the right let? Am I too dramatic?

No really, they have been great and we feel good about the care she is getting. He did say that Arrow was eating and sleeping well and was getting used to being boarded. At first I listened to that and thought great! This won't be so bad, but then I quickly began to project on to her and thought, "I'm sure she's lonely. Are they taking her out enough? She doesn't have to pee in her little room does she?" I miss my little buddy. I think she gets to have a hot dog when she gets home :)

Day 1

Today was treatment day 1 of 19. I realized that I haven't gotten to tell a lot of you the details of her cancer and treatment so I wanted to do that first. About six weeks ago, we noticed this small lump on Arrow's left shoulder. She is getting more and more lipomas as time goes on -- enough to earn her the nickname "lumpy." The vet aspirated a lump in the same place back in March (and it was fine) so we assumed it was the same lump. Well within three weeks this thing grew like something I've never seen. It went from a raisin to an egg in that short time frame. And it was DISGUSTING! We actually thought it was an abscess and I kept making sure that Sally walked in the door first after work in case it popped. As many of you know I would not have been able to deal with that AT ALL.

Our vet did a great job at removing her tumor. She had surgery about two weeks ago and the pathologist report said that it was a Grade 2 or intermediate tumor. Our vet had cut a wide enough margin around the tumor and the margins were clear. All good signs. The recommendation with a diagnosis like that is to follow up with radiation. Even though the myxosarcoma has a low metastatic rate, recurrence of an intermediate tumor is on average about 1-2 yrs away.

We had to take her to the Tufts Animal hopital in Grafton, MA. In case any of you need to drive out there from here, from our door in Hadley to their door it is 1 hr. 15 min. I have to say these people are incredible! They love her and I think she's in good hands. For those of you who know Arrow well, you know she's a bit anxious (keep the "she's like her owner" comments to yourself!). When our vet comes to the house she shakes like crazy. Well she doesn't shake very much there and Sally and I both think she knows that this place is going to help her.

They said that her tumor, although came back as a gade 2 acted like a high grade or grade 3 tumor. Which meant without chemo, her tumor would likely recur within 6-8 months. They recommend 19 days of radiation with weekends off. So everyday for the next four weeks, we will take her out to Grafton for 1 hour of treatment and then turn around and come home. We can board her if we want, but I have to say, the thought of boarding her four days a week is what sent me into tears when we were meeting with the radiologist. She's never been boarded and until now has only spent 2 nights in an animal hospital (once when she was spayed and once two weeks ago after her surgery).

Sally and I decided that since today was a long day (they map the tumor and it takes some time) and because we didn't have time to rearrange our schedule, we would board her tonight and tomorrow night and pick her up Wed. evening. They have a walking schedule for her and because they think she is soooo sweet, I think she might get to hang out with them in the oncology department. Dr. Lee, her radiologist oncologist, called Sally today to tell her that Arrow is doing great! She doesn't seem anxious and she is pretty mellow.

This morning, Sally drove her into the hospital before work. It was quiet here when I woke up and it's weird to have your routine broken. I came in the kitchen to make myself a sandwich and she wasn't here to hear the plastic ruffle and sit down next to me looking so cute and innocent waiting for a piece of turkey (or cheese will do just fine!). When Sally called me from the hospital to say she had just dropped her off we both broke down. She said when they handed her the leash and collar it just was so profoundly sad to see those two things on her front seat without Arrow.

Thank you all for your thoughts and concern. You have all been so incredible.

Treatment eve

Well, I've been wanting to start a blog, and decided this might be a good time. Arrow - my friend and companion for 10 years was recently diagnosed with a "high grade" tumor (myxosarcoma - a soft tissue tumor that our vet has never seen - leave it to Arrow). Its not often that you read about the cancer treatment program for a dog and I realized that not enough people talk about the feelings that come up with such a diagnosis. So I thought I'd try.

First, for those of you who don't know Arrow - she's awesome. I adopted her 10 years ago as a puppy from the Greenfield shelter. When she was ready for adoption, I was actually out of town and I asked my roommate to go to the shelter and pick out one of the two female yellow labs that just came up for adoption. The shelter didn't normally do this, but I think they saw the pleading as pathetic and made an exception. My roommate called me and said that one of the female dog's sat in a corner and the other dog ate her watch. Which one did I want? No brainer, I'll take the little quiet one in the corner please! And what a great choice that was!

Arrow has not only been my companion for 10 years, but she is also my first dog. Many people (and you know who you are!) questioned my ability as a dog owner -- and probably rightly so. I didn't really understand dogs. In fact, I kind of didn't like them too much. But as I soon found out, this is one of my many qualities Arrow would help me change.

All kinds of feelings come up with your dog's diagnosis of cancer. At 10.5 I know that her life probably had at most 3-4 years left. But you don't have to think about that until you realize the time you have her can actually be much shorter than you anticipated. And then you start to think about how we really never know how long we have left. Not just for our dogs, but for ourselves, our partners, our families. The diagnosis, the decisions, take you down a road of thinking that you'd rather not venture down.

So tomorrow morning at 7:15, Sally will leave for the Vet's where Arrow will start her first of 19 days of radiation treatment for her tumor. Its a decision that I struggled with a little bit, only because I don't want to do anything to her that will affect her quality of life. But I have gotten enough reassurance to feel like this treatment will not be so bad for her. And that this treatment gives her the best chance of living for a longer time.

I'm creating this blog not only so anyone who is interested can find out how she is doing, but just to let myself think about this process. And maybe just to put some words to a process that is not often talked about--the care and treatment of a pet.

Please send good thoughts to Boney...